


Heal.

by Kuneymessi



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Team as Family, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:40:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25237069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuneymessi/pseuds/Kuneymessi
Summary: They'd all left him behind. He had made his peace with it.
Relationships: Mario Götze/Marco Reus, Mats Hummels & Marco Reus, Robert Lewandowski & Marco Reus
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

Marco didn't know when it became so bad. Well, that's a lie. He had known for ages that he'd been in a downward spiral. How couldn't he have? The way he seemed to have just enough energy to maybe get out of bed (on good days) or the fact that he barely enjoyed playing football was damning evidence. 

Yet, he couldn't find it in him to care anymore. 

When the news came out that Mario was transferring to Bayern of all teams, Marco had cried. He had raged and raged and then there was nothing. He didn't have it in him to fight (Not with Mario). He couldn't face him either, and so he ignored him. The easy camaraderie that they had shared was gone and when he finally left to Munich, there was radio silence. He had felt alone- but didn't complain. He had initiated this and he'd stick with it. 

(They'd had something though. Marco had sensed it with the fleeting touches, the small glances and the way he just couldn't control himself around Mario. He had never felt the need to not be himself and gosh he missed it) 

When Lewy had quietly told him that he wasn't renewing his contract, he had figured that Bayern had come knocking. He had looked Lewy in the eyes and wished him the best. 

(He just didn't understand why "the best" couldn't be achieved at Dortmund with him). 

When Mats had come by and told him in no uncertain words that Bayern had asked for his services, he had been shocked. He had known. There was no doubt that Mats was good. But a small part of him had hoped that one of his closest friends left in the team would stay. 

(This was the biggest knife in his back. Mats was his best friend and he was going (gone) too.) 

He just didn't care anymore. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
He did wonder however, how his razor had become his solace. He couldn't even remember the first time he had cut. It seemed to have been a long time ago, considering the sheer number of cuts on his arm. 

He had exclusively begun to wear full sleeve shirts and hoodies a while back. It had gotten him a few looks, but he wasn't exactly close enough to anyone on the team to warrant any pushy questions. That had hurt, because he knew if Mats or Lewy or Mario were there, they would have forced him to talk and pestered him into telling them what was up. 

He hadn't gone to any of his teammates parties either. He just didn't fit in with them. He didn't want to be invited anywhere because someone pitied him ("Poor Marco, all his friends went away to win trophies. He's alone now" it was almost like a taunt in his head.) His team had asked the first 2 months, and then stopped because they figured that the answer would be no anyway. 

He had gotten away with it too. But then, the international break happened. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marco hadn't realised how much he had changed. But everyone else on the German team had. Anyone with a pair of eyes could see it- the once joyful kid who always had a smile on his face, who never seemed to be down, who had managed to make a rampaging Fips laugh looked dead. 

Mats and Mario shared a worried look. What on Earth happened? André had taken it up on himself to improve Marco's mood. It wasn't working. Marco seemed perpetually zoned out. He hadn't responded to any of André's lame puns. He hadn't replied to Thomas's jabs at Dortmund. In fact, the only words they had heard from him all night was when he had softly told Miro, Fips, Basti and Lukas that he was fine. 

Mats had wanted to shake him and scream at him saying "Don't be stupid you are obviously not fine". He hadn't heard anything. His texts with Marco had stayed the same. There had been no indication of anything being off. 

Mario's concern had been more subtle. He had carefully pushed a plate of his favourite food towards Marco. But Marco hadn't even looked at it. He had waited 15 minutes and excused himself from dinner without eating a single morsel. This had set off even louder alarm bells in Fips' head. 

Stay here after dinner. We need to talk- F  
Mats glanced at Fips and subtly nodded. Dinner couldn't have dragged on any longer. Mats could have broken the cutlery on Julian's head for dragging the conversation on and on. When the dining hall was finally free of unneeded people, Fips spoke up. 

"What do you think is going on with Marco? He seems sad. I understand that he was sad about your departure, Mats, but I don't know why it's affected him like this." Fips had always had a soft spot for Marco. Unlike most, he had seen Marco for who he truly was underneath his childish facade- an insecure boy who didn't believe in himself, which is why he couldn't help but worry. 

"I'm not too sure. Everything felt fine while we texted. I'm just as shocked as you, Fips." Mats replied with a furrowed brow. He was thinking when Mario came up with the most obvious plan.  
"Mats, at the moment, he's closest to you." Mario seemed ready to cry as he admitted this.  
"There's nothing we can do except talk to him. And since you are the closest to him, you go and ask him what's going on" he continued on. 

"Don't be stupid. You'll have to come with me too. We all know that there was something going on between the two of you, Mar." 

Mario looked pensive for a moment before taking in a deep breath. He nodded and it had been decided. Fips had told them Marco's room number and given them the key, just in case he didn't open the door. They silently set off towards Marco's room, both wondering what on Earth was going on with him.


	2. Chapter 2

When Marco had skipped dinner, the one thing he hadn't expected was for anyone to care about it. It had been fairly obvious in his head- he was a burden on the team. He was always injured when they needed him. They didn't exactly need him to win games. He was just the extra- the backup. 

It had broken his heart when that realisation had finally broken into his head- where was his place amongst Toni Kroos, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Mesut Ozil and others? They were really good players that actually added value to the team. It felt as though he had been out injured on hospital beds longer than he had played and damn it he didn't want to go down this rabbit hole again but he was just-

 _Useless useless useless useless useless_  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His unfortunate venture into this particular rabbit hole usually had only one consequence- he would cut. He didn't know how to explain it. But when he cut, it was as though there was no other thoughts in his head. He was focused on only one thing and it was nice to not hear his stupid thoughts telling him he was useless all the time ( _as if he didn't know that already_ ). The outpouring blood from his wounds only served to calm him down even further. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he was startled when someone knocked on his door. 

"Marco, it's me Mats. Open the door, it's been weeks since we spoke face to face."

_Crap_

God damn it he couldn't even think straight. So he did he first thing that came to his mind. He rushed to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. 

_Please don't enter, Please don't Enter_

He heard the door open.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While Marco was contemplating his situation, Mats and Mario exchanged wary looks outside. They had hoped to not have to use the key Fips had given them. Mats had barely stepped forward when they heard a door slam shut from the inside. Mats felt as though his hands just couldn't move fast enough- 

"Marco are you okay?! Answer me!" Mario looked just as frantic as Mats felt. 

They didn't hear anything from inside for a while. Mario looked like he was about to cry. This wasn't like Marco. Mats took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down. It would make no sense to have everyone in a state of panic. He looked around the room and couldn't place it, but something was off. 

"Mario, you need to look around and tell me. Doesn't something look off?" 

"Mats the room is spotless. Marco always has everything everywhere so that he can easily find it- what is going on with him?"

"Hey you guys, what are you doing here?"  
The man of the hour had arrived and now the shitshow would begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is up! Please do read and review :)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a fanfic! Any suggestions would be appreciated


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